Transcending your old self
The title of this feels big, like using fancy words to make something sound impressive which really is just ordinary. I usually am all for keeping things grounded and not too ‘done up’. And yet, the word ‘transcending’ feels like beauty and pure magic here, hitting the story to its core. Because ‘transcending’ is exactly what happens when you truly grow. When you move from an old way of being that is no longer serving your current reality, into this new and upgraded version of yourself. It’s like taking off an old winter coat that feels heavy and it’s finally time to dance freely in a summer dress. The journey of growth for me often goes something like this..
When I start becoming aware of a belief, habit or anything that is holding me back in life, at first that can feel overwhelming. All of the sudden it’s like the light goes on in a dark room and I realise what shit has been hiding in there. When that happens, I first start exploring what it all is, and often keep being surprised thinking ‘how could I not see this before!?’ and I become aware of all the places in my life where this is showing up.
Then the work starts in clearing it up. I LOVE being in action, changing what’s not working and improving to more effective ways of being, thinking and doing. I get in the question of ‘how do I rewire this?’ ‘Where is this pattern coming from?’ ‘What practices can I apply to help me heal this?’
I love ‘doing’ so much, that sometimes I can get stuck in this part. Then this week something magical happened: I realised that the true growth happens when I move beyond the ‘doing’. When I truly am ‘over and done’ with something. Because there comes a point where you have done the work and it’s time to let go.
But boy oh boy, just before you let go.. the ego will go to town. Your ‘old’ identity, wounded self, ego or however you want to call it, feels a breakthrough coming and will hold on for dear life, coming at you with all the old habits and thoughts that you thought you had ‘dealt’ with and grown beyond. Looking back it can be hilarious, when I’m in the midst of this.. not so fun! Letting go of an old habit/belief/story means to let go of your old self. And as much as this is a good thing, this definitely comes with resistance in some shape or form.
Moving through that resistance, there might be emotions passing through like frustration, disbelief, anger or so many other things. And there might also be sadness and grief. For me this week the sadness was big, because I realised how much I had been holding myself hostage with those old beliefs, how I had been the one hurting myself while I was really only trying to keep myself safe. In other situations it might be grief, because you are saying goodbye to a part of your life, like work or friends, that are no longer serving you. There are so many possibilities in this.
But then.. the true growth comes and you transcend all the above. You move beyond even wanting to think about it. It no longer matters, is no longer a part of you, no longer holds you in its grip. You don’t even want it to take up any more space in your thoughts, energy or conversations. It’s like that song you’ve heard too many times and you can’t stand to hear it any more. And that feeling is magic. It’s freeing and gives you new space to breathe and be. You enjoy having climbed the mountaintop for a bit, dance in your summery dress, maybe even forgetting about the winter coat you once wore.
And after a bit you will discover a new layer to shed, a new mountain to climb. Or a new room that has been dark and all of the sudden the light goes on. That’s life. But the more you go through this process, the more you also learn how to trust it. And that allows you to surrender to it more and more, to let go a bit more every time. Wherever you are in your process, know that you WILL transcend if you keep working and keep going. Be patient and present in the discovering, stay curious and love the mess. More and more magic will unfold for you every day. Love the process and be with what is, because all of it is needed and a perfect part of the dance.