Fear.. we all have it. Really, even the Beyonce's and the Elon Musks do. It's human and will never go away. And as much as you might so, this really isn't bad news. It's actually quite the opposite. Because fear is an opportunity to grow. It is a highLIGHT for where you can become a bigger, better and more badass version of yourself. It tells you that you are on the edge of your comfort zone and that new territory is waiting for you to be discovered. It tells you what part of you is asking for attention, so that you can rewrite some of the stories that you've created in your head about a situation, thing, feeling or action.
We all create stories and beliefs about ourselves and the world, it's what our brain does. It wants to survive and keep you safe. And that voice of fear is just doing the best it can to protect you. The only thing is, that unfortunately it doesn't know the difference between a big ass tiger coming to eat you or an email to your boss, which really isn't dangerous at all. Especially going through cancer and afterwards, where you've been so confronted with mortality, fear can take over and start running the show, ruling your actions and thoughts. Which is so understandable, as cancer touches on the biggest fears of all: the fear of dying and our desire to survive.
I come across many clients who have so much fear running through their lives (conscious- or unconsciously), when they move into a new life chapter after cancer. After having been ill and through treatments it is very scary to step back into the 'real' world. You have to learn how to trust your body again and step out of your comfort zone a bit further every single day.
What I myself have come to learn recently, is how to be more gentle and become friends with my fear. Because as I said, that voice isn't going anywhere, she/he is here to stay. There is always more to learn, further to grow and life will still be life whether you're just getting up after an illness or when you are running a big business. As it's not going to go away, then we might as well become friends with it. Because it is telling us that there is more to love, to learn, to grow and to experience in life. That we are LIVING, that we are lucky to live this fragile life and that there is work for us to do on this planet. It is reminding us to breathe, to move into trust and to listen deeper.
You have a few choices when fear shows up:
Deny it, run past it and throw negativity to it. Which isn't effective let me tell you, I've tried.
Listen to it, let it run the show, keep playing small and avoid any growth. If we look at nature, then if something isn't growing it's dead.. If you ask me: not effective either!
Move in, listen, acknowledge the fear. And then DO IT ANYWAY. You guessed it: effective.
Basically if we let fear tell us what to do, then we are not trusting in ourselves and life. We are Forgetting Every Available Resource. Because there is ALWAYS a way out, a resource, a solution to move through something. You can trust on that. Nothing in life happens if you aren't ready to go through it. Your fear really is a gift and points to your freedom. It took me a long time to see this, but the more I make friends with it and give it space.. the more I can breathe again, there is more space for ME, my soul and higher self. The more I shine, because of what's been highlighted. Each time it allows me to prove another story that my brain made up wrong, to prove that I AM capable of something that I didn't think possible before.
So the next time you freak out and want to run and hide, scream and shout, watch netflix and eat ice cream or dive into anything else that you know is really just an escape.. why not try this:
Take a moment, close your eyes and pay some love and attention to that fear voice like you would to a little kid that's afraid in the dark. Move into your strength, love and inner wisdom and say to fear: 'I see you, I understand where you're coming from, and it's ok that you're here, but I'm going to do it anyway. And you can be here with me, but I am the one driving this car. You can be with me in the back seat while I'm going to do this.' And then take a deep breathe and just go for it. Don't even have the discussion with fear anymore, get into action. You have acknowledged that it's there, you took a step back and breathed into it. But now it's time to jump of that cliff and trust that it will all be ok. Because everything already is ok, and always will be. There is no such thing as failure, just lessons and growth.